Home Health In ‘Intercourse with a Mind Damage,’ Annie Liontas displays on the affect of concussion : NPR

In ‘Intercourse with a Mind Damage,’ Annie Liontas displays on the affect of concussion : NPR

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In ‘Intercourse with a Mind Damage,’ Annie Liontas displays on the affect of concussion : NPR

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Annie Liontas is a professor of writing at George Washington College. Their earlier e-book is Let Me Clarify You.

Simon & Schuster


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Simon & Schuster


Annie Liontas is a professor of writing at George Washington College. Their earlier e-book is Let Me Clarify You.

Simon & Schuster

When Annie Liontas was 35, they bought into a motorcycle accident whereas driving and not using a helmet. They hadn’t damaged any bones, and there wasn’t signal of serious blood loss, however one thing wasn’t proper.

Liontas, who identifies as genderqueer, and makes use of they/them pronouns, remembers calling a pal and not likely understanding what he was saying — or the phrases that had been popping out of their very own mouth. They ended up on the hospital, feeling disoriented. It was as if “the world [had] began to form of pull aside a bit bit, prefer it virtually felt like taffy,” they recall. A CAT scan confirmed that Liontas had sustained a concussion.

Although Liontas appeared to recuperate from the preliminary mind damage, two fluke incidents within the yr that adopted exacerbated their situation. First, a child automobile seat fell onto their head at an enormous field retailer, after which a pot fell on them whereas they had been watering crops.

An writer and writing professor at George Washington College, Liontas continues to dwell with the repercussions of the three mind accidents. “If I shake the orange juice too onerous, that might result in a migraine. If I faucet my head on a shelf — and I imply faucet — that may result in a migraine,” they are saying.

Within the new memoir, Intercourse With a Mind Damage, Liontas describes how their concussion led to dizziness, reminiscence fog and anger — and impacted their marriage and intercourse life.

“Nothing is unclaimed by this sort of damage,” Liontas says. “Not solely do you lose TV or music or studying, however even simply being in your physique on this approach that’s about connection, immediately was not out there to me for a really very long time.”

The pressure from the concussion practically ended Liontas’ marriage, however in the end, Liontas says, they’ve managed to discover a “new regular”: “[My wife] was apprehensive that who I would been was gone ceaselessly — and who we had been was additionally gone,” they are saying. “However we are also rather more sincere in sure methods with each other, and may see and assist each other, I believe, with extra fortitude and resilience now. We chortle at extra issues collectively — since you form of need to.”

Interview highlights

Sex with a Brain Injury, by Annie Liontas
Sex with a Brain Injury, by Annie Liontas

On experiencing three mind accidents within the span of 1 yr

I used to be in a bit little bit of disbelief [when the car seat fell on me], like, no, this cannot be one other concussion. It wasn’t like hitting my head on asphalt. It is only a field. I am in a retailer. There’s shiny lights. Like, I’ve to be protected there. This cannot be occurring. And, positive sufficient, it was far worse than the primary damage, which … I had form of come out of that OK. However that second damage occurred, and the signs had been compounding. …

The third damage was additionally a little bit of a fluke. I used to be watering a plant and the pot fell. In hindsight, now, nothing is allowed above my head anyplace. I imply, I am going to go to a resort and take the portray off a wall if I’ve to. I believe this is quite common for people who find themselves affected by head accidents that you just change into, on the worst of it, there is a form of paranoia that may overtake you. However, at the most effective, you are fairly diligent and conscious. And, I ought to say, that that extends past me too; now my spouse has an alertness, and my greatest pal has an alertness.

On blaming themself for the accidents

If one thing occurs 3 times, you get hit within the head 3 times with a coconut, you are form of like, why am I sitting underneath this tree? For me, I believe, I’ve began to suppose that there is this unsolvable knot that all of us have. And by age 35, 37, no matter you’ve got been working from, evading, indulging, it form of catches up with you. For me, a few of it’s simply dangerous luck, however … lots of it was that I believed that I might get by means of life utterly independently of everybody, together with my spouse. I might simply hold caring for myself. However, in fact, people are usually not constructed that approach, and in the event you’re injured or sick, you’ll be able to’t. You’re in a very new, weak place. However the issue with head damage, delicate head damage notably, is that it is so invisible, we do not see it. We do not know individuals are strolling round with this situation. A variety of the folks closest to me had been apprehensive that this was one thing else, that it was nervousness, that it was despair.

On a take a look at within the hospital wherein they had been requested to attract a clock

It was so disturbing. There are specific elements of your personal information that you just simply take as a right, even while you’re unraveling. And that was certainly one of perhaps two or three situations in my restoration after I noticed myself mirrored again to myself. … The practitioner requested me to attract a clock and simply put the numbers the place they need to go. They usually had been all bunched up like I used to be a primary grader, and I did not even get the 6 proper. … That was the begin to a reasonably lengthy highway of recalibration.

On having a disaster of self as a result of they may now not learn or write

I used to be grappling with this disaster of the conceptualized self. That is what the philosophers name it while you actually go from figuring out who you might be at some point to the rug form of being pulled out from underneath you. And for me, it was like, as a author, as an energetic individual, as somebody who was sturdy in physique and thoughts and spirit to be actually weak and incapacitated, to not have the ability to write, to not have the ability to really feel assured in entrance of a classroom, … that actually taxed me and it is one thing that I have been crawling again from and grappling with.

On counting on their spouse in restoration

We do have a form of cultural framework round most cancers, to have the ability to reply to in a approach that we do not have fairly but for circumstances like traumatic mind damage. And so it was this huge paradigmatic shift for us in our personal non-public relationship, the place immediately the roles had been shifting, or we needed to be current for each other in ways in which we hadn’t been earlier than. It was an actual take a look at. … Even in the event you’re ranging from a very sturdy place, one thing like mind damage can actually rock the connection. …

I am grateful that I am with somebody who understands that love calls for a form of elasticity so that folks can develop and may change. And, in fact, on this context, within the context of the mind damage, that needed to occur too quick. And that was the explanation for the pressure and the issue. But in addition, I imply, we simply determined we’ll hold making an attempt – and that does make all of the distinction.

On getting by means of an extended interview

Simply to be clear, as a result of I’d hate to misrepresent the situation, I’ve lots of notes in entrance of me, and I memorized components of those solutions, and I form of handled this like learning for the boards. Principally as a result of I do know that it is actually vital to get the data on the market. However I additionally suppose it is vital to be clear about the truth that this does take lots of work, this extroversion and relaying of this sort of information. And I simply need folks on the market who’re struggling to know that I can admire that that is what they are going by means of.

Sam Briger and Thea Chaloner produced and edited this interview for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Diane Webber tailored it for the online.

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